The Looking Glass Wars - Book 1

Just finished Looking Glass Wars and it was okay. Very much like a Harry Potter Book 1 set up where novice wielder of power must confront violent past, mature, then kick some ass. Of course, the bad buy will return in the next installment but that was expected.

The interesting part was the crafting together of different characters based on Lewis Carroll’s work. The Chesire Cat assassin and the Mad Hatter styled as Hatter Madigan, millinery officer with a switchblade hat. Dude like knives a lot. I think he could have spin off books where he travels around like a samurai or ronin. Yeah. His nemesis should be some goth kid from Germany who likes to cut himself, then he could be like “yeah, cut me I like it. No, seriously cut me I really really like blades.”

Alice is spelled Alyss and she is a “warrior Queen.” Which means what? She’s better than Xena, warrior princess? In the book, she leaves Wonderland and starts a life in London, but is forced back to Wonderland to become the warrior queen. So they hook is which life will she pick – London or Wonderland. But this book doesn’t really speak much to that issue, I think the author likely wanted to build it up but maybe chopped it for the sequel. Maybe. It was pretty good.

Drove three hours to meet my grandfather at Cracker Barrel. He asked me if "we" are morally bankrupt. I bit my hand and sucked at the blood as I cooed about my plans to start my own Dracula cult. Not really. I don't think people are worse off, but everything is covered through the media.

I'm reading a book called "Looking Glass Wars" and it takes a violent journey through Wonderland where the Chesire Cat is a fearsome feline that morphs into a thickly muscled killer. But the Caterpillars speak like stoners and the drug connection is heavy. What is our preocupation with feeling "away from ourselves." Why do we use so many stimulants to change our mood from normal. In the book, the caterpillars are prophets. I never thought of Cheech and Chong as prophetic.

What do YOU Women Want?

Some DC magazine had an article on being "sensationally single" in DC and why it's so great. The graph showed what women consider important regarding guys:
1. Treating you well - 98%
2. Sense of humor - 84%
3. Smarts - 72%
4. Being a great lover - 46%
5. Having a handsome face - 45%
6. Fit body - 22%
7. Wealth - 11%

Women, is this true? Does this explain why Carmen Electra hangs around David Spade? Why Jessica Simpson wiggles after Dane Cook and John Mayer? Do I really just treat you well and tell a few jokes - cause I have always done that. It really can't be that easy. Thoughts?

This sums up the way I feel. God bless the children. This would have been my son and I would have named him "Thumpus."

Buying Magic in Crystal City
I buy magic spells. There's a guy with a shopping cart (full of spells!) and a sign that says "down on my luck, could use a hand." He sits outside pretty much all day and has very dark skin and a quiet voice. I bought him a hamburger and he said "I'll get cha back." Next day, I dropped my hamburger on the ground and an older guy walked over to give me a free hamburger coupon. Payback. I could feel the magic. Also I'm a dragon so ...

I give this fella a few bucks every couple of days. We're solid. Yesterday, I walked down to the magician and gave him a few bucks and he mumbled a low incantation, something about "effing livestock won't give nobody a change." Give me a love spell. He waved his arms and said "Get outta here, wer're done." Went to the gym. I think he confused my love spell with a stink spell. What should I buy next?

Sad Day for Magic
The stout magician at the bus stop was felled sometime early this morning by a choice bottle of screwtop wine wrapped in a brown paper bag. She gave that demonic brew all it wanted for the first three hours, but her poor constitution proved the undoing. I imagine she let loose with the finest and most profane magic ever witnessed by mere mortals. I hope she didn't open her bag of "dark magic" in a last attempt to win the battle, thereby losing with some dignity. Apparently the wine also took one of her shoes and scattered vomit before vacating the area. I know she fought bravely. If you know any magicians, witches, or wizards we have a vacancy in Crystal City.

Monday is Magic-day
The pet store by my house should be called "Sad, Sad Pets" instead of Most Valuable Pets or PetSmart or whatever. The gerbils and guinea pigs shrank back against the glass in fear, the birds openly sobbed, and two dogs were drawing an escape plan on the back of their cage. It said: 1) Look cute and get out of cage 2) bite child 3) run for it. Not a very good plan, in my view.

Met a magician at the bus stop. She was 4 foot tall and 300 pounds. Stout. She vigorously waved her arms to and fro before tackling an imaginary (?) foe. She spun around to face me. Thus she spake magic and extremely profane words - maybe her magic is rooted in profanity? I stumbled back and she laughed. The powerful emanation smelled of garlic and poo. I didn't share her amusement. I offered her a crinkled dollar bill for safe passage. She said "You're money is no good here." But she pocketed my buck. Then, she explained that she was a powerful magician sent to Crystal City to fight nefarious forces. I agreed she was powerful. I have only experienced such power once before - a sweaty cab driver in Dubai.